The Scene

2003-10-13

sorry about the short, random entry yesterday.

I was at M's house the night before, and we did something trés scandalous...we stole a beer from her refirigerator and sat in her room and drank it. It was SOOOOO gross! It was all bitter, but we chugged it down anyway. Then, we washed our mouths out with scope and M ran down and threw the bottle in the trashcan outside. Phew! That was a close call.

I felt like I was in a scene from a movie about teenager best friends. Where they experience different stages of life together. We were sitting next to her bed cross-legged on the floor, and I just felt like I was being filmed...it was an odd sensation.

Anyways, that was a "growing" experience. Beer is pretty gross.

Then M slept over last night and we pigged out on the Halloween stash...oy vey. "Fatty goodness", as Xander would say(Buffy, people, come on).

Then I'm all pissed off because I'm starting to get really lost in chemistry, and...yes. I decided that I need a chemistry tutor. I mean, obviously the math tutor helped.

I'm so afraid.

It's raw stress.

NO ONE THAT I KNOW IS PERMITTED TO READ THIS....PLEASE?

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I hate myself.

my face, my body, everything.

I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't know how to control my appetite. Its like chocolate triggers the yum-factor, and I can't resist it.

I hate it all.

At least everything is coming back to me, all of my depth...I want it again.

I want the bones, I want the care.

Food is my enemy. I wish I weren't so attraced to it. I wish food never existed and I wish that we could live off of the air. I wish that my ribs could show, and I wish that people would just realize and care.

*SydSyd*

Once More -With Feeling